halfbrokenwings | 017 [backdated: To the day after the hearts-in-a-jar][Video/commentlog]

017 [backdated: To the day after the hearts-in-a-jar][Video/commentlog]

[Her heart feels like a stone weighted in her chest and her stomach couldn't quite decide if she was going to be sick afterwards or not. Her face is red from embarrassment and shame and she certainly has the apology written across her features. ]

Yesterday. I- I need to apologize to a good many people for yesterday. I was horrible. And mean. I-I'm sorry.

[She lets out a breath she was holding and while she's talking she's not quite looking at the journal.]

I do not know if the words alone are enough but, I am sorry for what I have said, or what I have done. I- I had no real control over it.

[She swallows visibly. She doesn't know if she should name names, just in case someone does not wish to accept her apology. There was quite a number of people she messed up with that day. A number of them, like Sollux. She'll seek out personally to apologize for her rotten behavior.]

I'm sorry.

[_{ooc: You can reply as a video here, or perhaps you want the bard to deliver a personal apology? She'll be wandering the grounds looking for people to express her deepest regrets to. Open to anyone and everyone! Have at!}]

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There was no harm done. Its all right.

S-Sandrath ...

[Oh devils, she was such the ungrateful little wretch to you.]

I am sorry for ... everything... yesterday. I was horrible to you.

Its fine. I've been treated much worse that what you did.

But.

Not by me. What is fine for someone else, as you have said, is not alright for me to do.

[Just because you've been hit, tortured, and abused does not make it right to accept the same from everyone else!]

Like I said, I don't hold a grudge and you've already apologized.

Thank you, San.

[She will still be guilty forever but that's a nice thought you have expressed there.]

Thank you for your understanding.

Its not your fault, the keep fucked with you somehow. It did it to a lot of people.

I know, I think... that it was the Keep's fault as well. Something happened that day.

[Oh the guilt she carries is much.]

But the words were mine and there was no fighting against the force that changed me, because it was me.

[And that thought is kind of frightening.]

I'm sorry.

It wasn't you, it was the keep fucking with you.
You don't have to be sorry. Especailly not to me.

This feels very awkward to do this not in person.

[Isabella would fail at the interwebs.]

I just, feel so helpless, Sollux. I have to apologize. There was nothing I could do, it was me, my emotions my words- my mind was gone. But not?

I am making no sense at all!

But the power over not just our bodies, but our very actions?...It frightens me.

I know what you mean and I still say its not your fault.

*Ah, there she is. Sollux was on the move looking for her, so once he spots her he closes the book and heads over.*

It worries me too.

[The bard's head comes up hearing him approach and speak and her journal shuts. She offers him a brief smile in greeting but the thoughts were weighing too heavy for much more than that.]

There's no defense for it. There's no rules and nothing makes any sense.

[She offers the seat next to her on the fountain edge. The words flow fast and quick and more than a little nervous.]

I can take what happens to my person more readily than losing control like that. Our choices are all taken from us- even the illusions of a choice! What if- what if one day we're made to go against our natures in such a way that others are hurt?

*He takes a seat next to her and shakes his head.*

I don't know, I really don't. I've never dealt with anything remotely like this before.
But I know that anyone who's been here wouldn't hold anything the keep makes or influences anybody to do against them. At least once everybody's feeling normal again.

If it were anything else. A drugged supper, a drink, magic or a poison...

[Briefly she puts her head in her hands.]

I hope you are right.

I said and did some rotten things that day.

We'll figure it out somehow. There are some clues here, and there's got to be a way to fight what they do.

*Hm hmphs.*

Everybody here knows what this place is like, and you weren't the only one acting that way. If anybody holds it against you then they're just being stupid.

*And he will have to talk to them B|*

[She sighs.]

They warn us against things that never come to pass, as though it was frightening and never give a syllable for things that happen that actually do effect us.

[She raises her head up and smiles at his blunt statement.]

You might be right.

Or to distract us from what will happen with the dangers they tell us about.

*He sighs.*

I am right. And anybody who's think pan is too rusted to figure that out is someone you don't want to hang around with anyway.

I would give my eyeteeth to ask just a single question of our 'lord'. I'll not lie and say that what has happened doesn't give my nightmares more bite but I can not continue to sit and... just ... wait to see what happens next.

[She pauses and the smile comes back in full.]

You are right. Still, it is better to ask forgiveness. Not everyone will be as quick to see what you see-

[She's sure of it.]

Asking him is easy, getting him to give you a real answer is the problem...
...I don't know where to go from here, though. Maybe back in the temple or the forest. I don't want to try the tunnels.

*He shakes his head.*

If it was just you then maybe they might have a reason to be bitter, but lots of people were acting weird that day. Not just how you did. I don't know if anyone was unaffected.

*He didn't feel any different, but if it was something small he might not have noticed.*

They can't really hold a grudge against something they're guilty of too.

Nnn... there is that.

I don't want to try the tunnels again either. No good seems to come from them, at all. The forest does not seem to be much better.

[A grounded bird, is a dead bird, after all.]

I can't do much more than speculate though, at least until the wings are healed more.

[She nods.]

This is all so very true-

[How did he do that?]

I won't...I can't go back into those tunnels again. If that's the way out then I'll stay here.

*He sighs again and pulls his legs up on the edge of the fountain so he can rest his head on his knees.*

The forest is probably safer, but I'm not sure about it either. Even the plants want to kill you there.

*He pauses and glances to her wings.*

How are they doing? Your wings. You keep seeing that doctor but I don't know enough about wings to know if they look better. Do they at least feel better?

I'm used to predators being about in the woods, but when bushes get up on their own and try to eat you, I would have to say " no" to that.

[Said feathery objects twitch and move of their own accord. She has nothing but good to say of the doctor.]

They feel so very much better, Sollux. I can bend them and I don't need the medication nearly as much now. They're extremely out of shape and the left wing is very stiff but it doesn't drag so much on the ground anymore-

[Now the expression is pure joy.]

It's exciting!

At least they burn well enough.

*Even if he discovered that more or less by accident.
He smiles at her explanation of how her wings are doing.*

That's great! I'm kind of amazed that she's able to do so much.

*But he knows next to nothing of medicine and is entirely too full of pessimisim. At least he knows to keep his worries about how it might all fail to himself.
...He does sort of look forward to flying with her sometime, though. If it ever happens.*

You'll get them back in shape in no time, I'm sure.

[She files the tidbit about fire and the plants away. It was good to know!]

A decade without them working at all- it'll take a lot of work and I'm certain to look very silly while doing it.

[She laughs.]

Speaking of things that fly! I know you know that Jetfire has offered to take me flying- that is to happen soon here. I'm still not sure of what day, if only because I have to get some things ready for it. But I will let you know when.

Eh, everyone here looks silly most of the time anyway.

*He nods a bit.*

Yeah, I was going to come with you two. He seems like an okay guy but...I'd rather come with you anyway.

*Both for him and for her.*

What all would you need to get ready for it?

[They all can't be as pretty as the Moose...]

This will be so fun!

[If Starscream doesn't show up, that is.]

I've got to sew up a warmer cloak together, well. A blanket into a cloak. It shouldn't take me too long at all, really.

*One can only dream ;;
And with Sollux and Jetfire there hopefully any trouble will be at least lessened.*

Oh, yeah, I guess it can get colder. But at least its warmer than when all the snow was around.

... Considering I didn't meet, or talk to you that day, the impact might be... ah, a bit less, but Isabella...

[He shakes his helm and vents slightly.]

While it's probably well to take responsibility, a great deal of us seemed to be changed, and so all responsibility does not lie with you.

[Isabella looks embarrassed.]

It was probably for the better, Jetfire. I was not... in my right mind.

[She frowns.]

Are you alright?

I think, er... not many of us were.

[The only thing giving Jetfire away as anything but merely... disapproving of what happened is the fact that he's shifting just slightly on his feet.]

I, ah. Yes. Thank you. Lack of control of your emotions, no matter what spectra, is an unpleasant realization to come to, when you're actually free to have said understanding.

[He's not overly emotional, and having been forced into such a state... Well, they can both be embarrassed about it.]

Oh, so I wasn't the only one acting weirdly.

I was acting horrible as well.

I'm sorry to hear that you were affected as well.

[Isabella doesn't know if she should feel better or worse that she's not alone in this attitude change.]

Do you know why were the ones who were changed this way?

[Jael's wondering the same thing.]

I'm not sure. Maybe it was random?

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017 [backdated: To the day after the hearts-in-a-jar][Video/commentlog]

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